The Beginning of a New Chapter

Remember in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (new one with Johnny Depp) when Charlie came home with the chocolate bar and then found out that he received the last Golden Ticket? Remember Grandpa Joe's reaction?

He jumped out of bed, hopping like a maniac, yelling,

 "YIPPEE!!!!!"

Well, that was my initial reaction yesterday when I finally saw my score on my Nursing School Exit Exam. This test also gives you a "likelihood to pass the NCLEX" conversion score and apparently I have a 99% percent chance of passing my boards on the first try. BRING IT ON, BABY!!!

It has been a long awaited time in my life. The last 18 months have been beyond hard and my little family certainly has been put through the refiners fire and have come out on the other side better because of it. My family has been incredible throughout this. My husband has been patient, supportive and simply amazing. My kids have been way more understanding than I ever thought when I put on scrubs to leave - 6 days a week at least. They have been strong and stalwart and I couldn't begin to imagine what life would have been like if I didn't have them to be my buffer from the stress and emotions building up within me.

To the last 18 months of my life, I will forever appreciate the person I have become in the end

But good riddance!

There are a lot of things to which I am looking forward.

I'm ready to have the time of day to do all the steps of laundry - wash, dry, fold AND put away all in one day. That hasn't happened in 18 months at least. Generally, I have been getting dressed out of the dryer for a year and a half. At least they were clean!

I'm ready to be a nurse and I'm ready to pay off bills.

I'm ready to not worry day to day about all the incredible amounts of what if's that could arise for which I would be utterly unprepared.

I'm ready to love my job and feel a sense of accomplishment when I put on my scrubs because I am a freaking NURSE!

I'm ready to be an actual mom again in action and not just title.

I'm ready to go to church activities and not feel guilty about neglecting my family even more than I already do.

I'm ready to go out to lunch with friends just to catch up without the worry of what else I should be doing with this time, money, etc, etc, etc.

I'm ready to work for a company that is a well-oiled machine.


I'm ready to take my kids to the park and enjoy the time there without thinking about the homework I should be doing.


I'm ready decorate my house.


I'm ready to have regular date nights with my husband because we can.

I'm ready to move on.

Today I Decided Life Will Forever and Always Be Insane

So to fill you in on the last 18 months of my life:

We moved from Florida in February, 2010.

May 24, 2010 I started nursing school.

Two days later, I started working as a CNA.

Five days later, my husband and I were rear-ended by a young, teenaged girl who was doing something on her phone. Myself and the kids were fine, but due to the position in which my husband was, he sustained nerve damage in his lower back.

And since then, life has been insane. Thomas stays at home and watches the kids while I work and go to school and try to squeeze in enough time with the family so that I don't fall asleep with exhaustion and guilt plaguing me on a daily basis.

School is fantastic. I am doing extremely well, many thanks to my Heavenly Father. On a continual basis, generally when I get emotionally drained, I have to remind myself that I have done what I thought was impossible and can hold on for another [           ] months. (Only four more months... only four more months..)

I am eternally grateful for my husband who has supported me and given me the strength and encouragement that I have needed when I am on the verge of losing it, and if I do get to the point of "lost it", he knows how to pick me back up.

Then comes some perspective. I think my life is hard, and it's easy to get down on myself and try to make people pity my situation and it seems that when I am on the search for someone to take pity upon me, I find something else entirely. I find a dear friend who is going through the same school process 300 miles from her husband. I find an old high school acquaintance who has a young child with health problems. I find single parents that are trying to do the best for their children while pursuing an education. I find someone who is trying to better their life and, due to a momentary lapse of judgement, needs to put their life on hold for the time being. I find a loving and doting husband of decades, visiting his sick wife on a daily basis, knowing that days are limited.

And they are holding up far better than I think I could. They are holding up admirally.

So life may always be insane in one way or another but I have found within the past few months, I am capable of so much more than I ever thought possible and if/when I begin to lax in that thinking, I have the most incredible people around me to lift me up and support me.


P.S. Today I also decided that I will blog more often. We'll see how that goes.

Today I will do my laundry...

Since I was called to the Stake Young Women's Presidency, my life has been full of loading kids to drive to other towns to visit with the Ward's Young Women's Presidencies and every spare moment my husband and I have no obligations, we are out at his parents spending time with them before D-Day comes and we have to move.

I am holding up mentally, emotionally, and physically wonderfully until I factor in the fact that my house is a mess. My dishes are perpetually piled up in the sink, my clothes are clean, but piled into our giant tote that we keep our Christmas Tree stored in for 11 months of the year, my dog is probably underfed and likes to compensate by trying to eat used paper towels that end up shredded all over the floor.

This morning I participated in our Stake Pioneer Trek Youth Conference. I was an "angel" that came at a trying time for the girls to help push their handcarts. A more detailed post will come later when I can figure out in my mind how to do that experience justice. But one huge lesson was learned after my 3 minute short burst of an incredible amount of energy. I helped them push the handcart up a sugar-sand hill and through loose sand after that for only about 50-60 yards. By the end, I was exhausted and felt like I literally could not walk another step and then it hit me that as exhausted as I was, these teenaged girls had been pulling these for an hour or two at that point and still had half the day left and that they are doing this trek because for thousands of people, some of them my ancestors, this was their life for months. They pushed their handcarts and held their children when they were exhausted and at the end of the day when they had a break, they had to cook and clean for their families and make everything in order because they would be leaving in the morning.

If they can do that, then I can fold my loads upon loads of clean clothes and put them away where they belong... all in the same day.

And tomorrow I will do the dishes.

Cha-Ching!!

Remember how a few weeks ago my husband hit a deer? Well, last week, we were out at his parents and it was dark and rainy and we hit a stump. Pretty bad luck considering we were hoping to sell this car or trade it in on a new one that would be able to get us out to Utah.

Well, I was talking to my mom the other day and she said we should just make some claims and since the car is paid off, we can get a check written out to us instead of written out to an autobody shop. We followed her advice and now are anxiously awaiting a check for $1700 that will go into our Moving to Utah Fund.

This is pretty much the exact amount we will need to be able to rent a truck and trailer to move myself, son and daughter out about a month earlier than my husband so that I will be able to take a CNA course and hopefully be pretty close to having a job when my husband comes out.

Hooray for answered prayers!!

Sweet Whisperings of the Spirit

I love my sweet little son. I especially love how aware and sensitive he is becoming to things of a spiritual nature. The other day he was playing with his toy cars, making them vroom and go fast across the room and he stops playing, stands up, folds his arms and bows his head, mumbles for a few seconds then says, "'men!" and continues playing. He did this about 10 times in a 5 minute span. It is amazing to me that at such a young age, he can recognize those things.
Also, he has become a big fan of pictures of Jesus. Every night I read him scripture stories and right now we are in the New Testament. Every time he sees a picture of Jesus (there's like 2 on every page, at least) he will point to it and say "Jesus!!" well, it comes out more like "Gee-ya" and then proceed to tickle Him. Apparently, Jesus is ticklish. :) He will also point out pictures of Jesus as we are walking through church or if he sees the one we have hanging in our house.
It makes my heart swell to see his precious spirit coming out and I am so grateful I am blessed with such a wonderful child. It absolutely makes up for the irrational terrible two tantrums that have started to rear its ugly head.