Officially On My Own

The last five weeks at work, I have been going through an orientation. So I have had somebody by me at all times of the day, doing who-knows-what to make sure I am within an appropriate schedule, reminding me of all the little nuances that being a nurse entails.

I am excited to be on my own, but I am so nervous to find out just how much help I have been receiving without realizing it. I'm so scared that I will be running around with my head cut off and I will be forgetting things left and right.

But before then, my entire family will be going down to St. George, Utah for one last hoorah before Brenna leaves for South Korea.

New Job!

I AM OFFICIALLY WORKING AS A NURSE!! I went in an signed all the paperwork today and will be starting in a week. Gone are the days of working as a CNA. Gone are the days of working dumb shifts.

I received a job at Utah Valley Specialty Hospital which is a Long-Term, Acute-Care Hospital on the Med-Surg floor.

I'm excited to jump into nursing and see how I fare. I'm nervous out of my mind, but I always am when it comes to uncharted territory. I have full confidence that I will do well, but alas, I am still nervous out of my mind.

C'est la Vie

At the request of a dear friend from work, I must update my blog.

Life has been overwhelmingly ho-hum. I have started my capstone in the Women's Center at my local hospital (Hooray for not having to drive more than 5 minutes to get there!). Initially, it was just in Post-Partum... over night... with two part time nurses that get called off all the time. So! I worked my way over to Labor and Delivery, which is slightly more exciting. So far, I have completed 4 nights on Post Partum, and one on Labor and Delivery which makes a total of 5 out of my required 9. So. Stinking. Close. Only one more night on Post Partum and three more on Labor and Delivery and in a short (let's hope and pray) 11 days from now, I will be done with my capstone experience. And luckily, I will not have any more 24+ hour "days." Just a lot of switching my schedule back and forth in a matter of days between night Capstone and day classes.

meh.

I have gone back to being scheduled at work which, in short, is exhausting. I have been so disillusioned with working as a CNA at an Assisted Living Facility as I get closer and closer to becoming a nurse and getting certifications that will hopefully put my foot a little bit further in the door of Emergency Care - i.e. as far from Long-Term Care as possible.

That's not to say I don't have a deep and profound love for those of whom I take care. It's really incredible the love that develops when you serve others, even if it is in a setting where they are forced to accept per se due to handicaps and you are paid to provide.

School... well, I'm burned out, to say the least. Just trying to keep up with how I've been doing previous semesters so I don't blow all my hard work because I have an emotional break down. Or two.... or three.

ALSO! I've been called as a Relief Society Instructor. I have yet to teach, and hope I can buy time for two more Sundays. Only lesson I've learned is that Heavenly Father does have a sense of humor, but who am I to doubt if I can or cannot do it? Somebody out there thinks I can and if there is anything I've learned in the last 18 months is that I can do a whole heck of a lot more than I ever imagined and still be able to wake up and face the next day.

Also, this was birthday week. Thomas' birthday was on Tuesday and I had stinking Capstone that night so all we did was go out to lunch after Aiden went to a friend's birthday party. And Celia's birthday is tomorrow. Pictures will be posted. No promises that it'll be tomorrow.


Or even anytime in the near future.


P.S. You're welcome, Chantel. Hope it was worth it.

It Happens Every Time..

I've worked at my place of employment for almost 15 months now and in that time, we have had our fair share of residents pass away and a fair share of those have happened on my shift. Some of them were near and dear to my heart from the first day I met them to the last day I cared for them and between putting on a brave face around the family while providing post-mortem care, I have had to sneak into a remote room, sit in the far corner and have a good cry for just a few seconds.

Others I have cared for, and for a while they may or may not have drove me up a wall (I can neither confirm nor deny that statement) but as their time came closer, I have tried to get over myself and take care of them as best as I am capable and something incredible happens:

You truly do develop a profound love for those in whom you serve.

And when it was their time to meet the Good Lord, I put on a brave face, offer assitance in any way I can, but all between sneaking into a remote room to have a good cry for a few seconds.

I am always impressed with the impact that they have on so many lives and I look forward to the day when I can meet them and truly know them for who they were in their prime and not as I cared for them. I will be eternally grateful for the opportunity I had to help them in their last days, but moreso will I be grateful to truly know them and to tell them thank you for everything they, and their families, have taught me over the last 15 months.

Today I Decided Life Will Forever and Always Be Insane

So to fill you in on the last 18 months of my life:

We moved from Florida in February, 2010.

May 24, 2010 I started nursing school.

Two days later, I started working as a CNA.

Five days later, my husband and I were rear-ended by a young, teenaged girl who was doing something on her phone. Myself and the kids were fine, but due to the position in which my husband was, he sustained nerve damage in his lower back.

And since then, life has been insane. Thomas stays at home and watches the kids while I work and go to school and try to squeeze in enough time with the family so that I don't fall asleep with exhaustion and guilt plaguing me on a daily basis.

School is fantastic. I am doing extremely well, many thanks to my Heavenly Father. On a continual basis, generally when I get emotionally drained, I have to remind myself that I have done what I thought was impossible and can hold on for another [           ] months. (Only four more months... only four more months..)

I am eternally grateful for my husband who has supported me and given me the strength and encouragement that I have needed when I am on the verge of losing it, and if I do get to the point of "lost it", he knows how to pick me back up.

Then comes some perspective. I think my life is hard, and it's easy to get down on myself and try to make people pity my situation and it seems that when I am on the search for someone to take pity upon me, I find something else entirely. I find a dear friend who is going through the same school process 300 miles from her husband. I find an old high school acquaintance who has a young child with health problems. I find single parents that are trying to do the best for their children while pursuing an education. I find someone who is trying to better their life and, due to a momentary lapse of judgement, needs to put their life on hold for the time being. I find a loving and doting husband of decades, visiting his sick wife on a daily basis, knowing that days are limited.

And they are holding up far better than I think I could. They are holding up admirally.

So life may always be insane in one way or another but I have found within the past few months, I am capable of so much more than I ever thought possible and if/when I begin to lax in that thinking, I have the most incredible people around me to lift me up and support me.


P.S. Today I also decided that I will blog more often. We'll see how that goes.

Today I will do my laundry...

Since I was called to the Stake Young Women's Presidency, my life has been full of loading kids to drive to other towns to visit with the Ward's Young Women's Presidencies and every spare moment my husband and I have no obligations, we are out at his parents spending time with them before D-Day comes and we have to move.

I am holding up mentally, emotionally, and physically wonderfully until I factor in the fact that my house is a mess. My dishes are perpetually piled up in the sink, my clothes are clean, but piled into our giant tote that we keep our Christmas Tree stored in for 11 months of the year, my dog is probably underfed and likes to compensate by trying to eat used paper towels that end up shredded all over the floor.

This morning I participated in our Stake Pioneer Trek Youth Conference. I was an "angel" that came at a trying time for the girls to help push their handcarts. A more detailed post will come later when I can figure out in my mind how to do that experience justice. But one huge lesson was learned after my 3 minute short burst of an incredible amount of energy. I helped them push the handcart up a sugar-sand hill and through loose sand after that for only about 50-60 yards. By the end, I was exhausted and felt like I literally could not walk another step and then it hit me that as exhausted as I was, these teenaged girls had been pulling these for an hour or two at that point and still had half the day left and that they are doing this trek because for thousands of people, some of them my ancestors, this was their life for months. They pushed their handcarts and held their children when they were exhausted and at the end of the day when they had a break, they had to cook and clean for their families and make everything in order because they would be leaving in the morning.

If they can do that, then I can fold my loads upon loads of clean clothes and put them away where they belong... all in the same day.

And tomorrow I will do the dishes.

The Day Shift/Night Shift Debate

My husband and I continually butt heads over his work schedule. There's nothing we can do about it, it changes on a monthly basis most of the time, but I am a big fan of day shift and he is very much a fan of night shift.
I wish I could be fair and balanced in this, but since Thomas doesn't blog, and I do, I have a feeling this will be a little one sided.
I can understand that night shift as a cop is much more interesting because that's when you get to deal with the underbelly of society instead of monotonous traffic tickets and accidents which equates to lots of paperwork and traffic court. I understand that, especially for a night person, 5:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. goes a lot slower than the flip side of that. I understand that during Florida summers, driving around in a patrol car, wearing a polyester uniform with a bullet proof vest while sitting on pretty much plastic seats is extremely hot and quickly drains any energy you have.
Despite all that, I prefer day shift and love that it has to come around once in a while. I love the days he has off and the mornings we spend together. Actually wondering what I will make for breakfast because when it's just my 20 month old son who eats disgusting stuff on a regular basis, and myself, why make anything fancier than a bowl of cereal? If I do feel fancy that day, I'll cut up a banana and throw it in the cereal, but when Thomas has a day off, I can dream of breakfast of French Toast or Waffles or even a delicious breakfast burrito because it's worth the effort to do that for my husband. I love that when he is on day shift I can lay in bed when I hear Aiden wake up and be able to say, "It's your turn to get him", so I can lie in bed a little bit longer without the guilt of leaving my adorable son in his crib while I am trying to find motivation to lug my giant, pregnant belly out of bed and immediately to the bathroom because I have a bad case of pregnant-lady-stand-up-pee's. I love that I have an entire day with him on his days off, as opposed to just the afternoon hours because he is sleeping all morning long. I love that, even on the days he works, I can look forward to having lunch and dinner with him instead of making him lunch when he wakes up, two hours after I have eaten my lunch, and making him dinner while trying to get Aiden ready for bed, two hours after I have eaten dinner. I frequently have PB&J or a ham sandwich for dinner when he is on night shift because I get tired of making so many individual meals throughout the day which adds up to a lot of dishes to do everyday.
Most of all, I love day shift because he has normal sleeping hours, which means I don't have to fight my son all morning long from waking up Daddy. I don't have to try to explain to my toddler that Daddy needs his sleep and you can't play with him right now, no matter how pathetic his cries. I love that Daddy is his best friend and he so desperately yearns to be with him and play with him, but it breaks my heart when I have to pull him away from our bedroom door every 30, 15, 2 minutes to try to explain to him that Daddy can't wrestle or make him fly or throw him onto the bed, but he will after nap time.

How in the world do you accomplish that? Maybe someday I will have the motivation to actually get out of the house and play at the park or go for a walk to kill some of the long morning hours, but as of right now, Florida is just too humid and too hot and I am too pregnant to even entertain the idea of going someplace outside to kill some time. I guess I am just a glutton for punishment.