Today I Decided Life Will Forever and Always Be Insane

So to fill you in on the last 18 months of my life:

We moved from Florida in February, 2010.

May 24, 2010 I started nursing school.

Two days later, I started working as a CNA.

Five days later, my husband and I were rear-ended by a young, teenaged girl who was doing something on her phone. Myself and the kids were fine, but due to the position in which my husband was, he sustained nerve damage in his lower back.

And since then, life has been insane. Thomas stays at home and watches the kids while I work and go to school and try to squeeze in enough time with the family so that I don't fall asleep with exhaustion and guilt plaguing me on a daily basis.

School is fantastic. I am doing extremely well, many thanks to my Heavenly Father. On a continual basis, generally when I get emotionally drained, I have to remind myself that I have done what I thought was impossible and can hold on for another [           ] months. (Only four more months... only four more months..)

I am eternally grateful for my husband who has supported me and given me the strength and encouragement that I have needed when I am on the verge of losing it, and if I do get to the point of "lost it", he knows how to pick me back up.

Then comes some perspective. I think my life is hard, and it's easy to get down on myself and try to make people pity my situation and it seems that when I am on the search for someone to take pity upon me, I find something else entirely. I find a dear friend who is going through the same school process 300 miles from her husband. I find an old high school acquaintance who has a young child with health problems. I find single parents that are trying to do the best for their children while pursuing an education. I find someone who is trying to better their life and, due to a momentary lapse of judgement, needs to put their life on hold for the time being. I find a loving and doting husband of decades, visiting his sick wife on a daily basis, knowing that days are limited.

And they are holding up far better than I think I could. They are holding up admirally.

So life may always be insane in one way or another but I have found within the past few months, I am capable of so much more than I ever thought possible and if/when I begin to lax in that thinking, I have the most incredible people around me to lift me up and support me.


P.S. Today I also decided that I will blog more often. We'll see how that goes.