NCLEX in Viva! Las Vegas!

About two weeks before I graduated from school, a few of my classmates and myself were pulled into the Director of Nursing of the campus and were told that they would give us a scholarship that would reimburse us of our NCLEX registration fees if we were able to take, and pass, the NCLEX before the end of the year. Down to the meat of the story, the school's pass rates haven't been the greatest because a group of students in the previous two semesters cheated their way through school, passed all the classes with flying colors because instead of putting effort into studying, they put effort into buying the answers of the questions in the test bank from who-knows-what-website and so they went to take the NCLEX and failed, failed, failed. And rightly so. So when our semester comes up, they offered this scholarship to boost their quarterly pass rates. They bought us off and I was perfectly fine with that. $300 is $300 is $300.

Catch is, when you first register, they only show test dates that are available, cancellations excluded, so the first date was January 3 - after the end of the year.

BUT!! After you have a date to your profile, you are able to go in and look at cancellations. And so the rat race began. I found a date in Boise on Dec 28, and after checking it every hour, on the hour, for a few days, we found a date on Dec 28 in Las Vegas. Andt hen we continued to check it every hour, on the hour, to see if one opened up so I could go down with one of my friends from school. And it did, fifteen minutes after my scheduled time, and I found it at 11:00 PM. And so began my massive amounts of calls, texts and messages on Facebook so she could reschedule her time and go down with me.
I went down the day before, met up with my friend and her mom (which was also one of my teachers in school), ate dinner and then went out to see the Strip because Thomas and I were Vegas Virgins. We went to Treasure Island, went to a country bar, (gambled a little), and then hit the sack for the night because tomorrow was the big day. We ended wandering down the strip to Denny's for breakfast and lo and behold, we were only a mere block from the testing center, so we killed some time going to dinky shops until the time was here for me to go up.

I took the test, and I had heard a few things about how the NCLEX went for a few others that took it earlier in the day, and knowing that my classmates would want to know the details, I kept tally marks of the dreaded "Select All That Apply" (22 of my 75, by the way) and watched how long it took me to answer the ______ amount of questions I had before it was determined that I would fail or pass the NCLEX.

For those that don't know how the NCLEX works, you can get anywhere between 75 and 265 questions and it automatically shuts off when the computer adaptive test can easily predict whether or not you will get the next question right or wrong based off of your previous answers. Then it looks at the types of questions that you are getting correct, whether they are knowledge-based (easy) questions or critical thinking (hard) questions. If it is predicted you will get the next question wrong, you fail, the hard questions right, you pass, if you get the easy questions right, you fail, because RN's need to know how to critically think, not just recall knowledge based questions.

Well, mine shut off at 75 questions and I have never been more unsure of something in my life. Based off my school experience, I should have taken comfort in the fact that I did well in school, but honestly, I felt like vomiting and crawling into the fetal position because I was so unsure of how I did.

Good thing the Department of Professional Licensing of Utah is fast because before I knew it, I could look online on the DOPL website to see that I was an RN with an active license!

YIPPEE!!!!

The next day we went home, and so began my constant application of jobs - at least 3 a day, with the almost always immediate email saying that I am underqualified due to lack of experience.

One must ask, how does one gain said experience if NO ONE WILL HIRE BECAUSE I HAVE NO EXPERIENCE?!

In due time.. in due time.. 

Christmas with the Fallers

I have a lot of catching up to do... Or maybe I'll just pretend that I posted this on Christmas rather than over a month late.

I had to work the night before so played Santa at work, wrapping presents after the residents went to bed.

Got home, cleaned up, arranged presents, and went to bed because in a few short hours, I knew my kids were about to wake up.

Much to my surprise, I woke up before the kids. That. Never. Happens. I brought the kids into our room, and ran downstairs so I could record their faces when they came around the corner.

Christmas Eve, we had nothing under the tree. Not a single thing. Christmas morning, there was a nice array of presents under the tree and the kids were amazed when they saw everything.

Santa was the hero this Christmas.

......


Okay, in the end, Christmas was fantastic. Church was great and only an hour long (Hooray!) and then we were up to my brother's for dinner.

Aaand if I had actually posted this around Christmas-time it would have had a lot more details and pictures instead of me posting this on March 2 and just retroactively dating this to December 25 as if I were actually on top of things. Meh. Such is life, apparently.

I Really Have Some of the Cutest Kids Around

The other night, my mom took us out to celebrate after I had passed my program exit exam with flying colors. Well, naturally, the kids wanted to ride with my mom so we packed them up in my mom's Suzy and when Thomas put Aiden in the car, he told Aiden, "You be good for Grandma, okay?"

Well, we headed out - my mom back home with the kids while Thomas and I went to The Chocolate (amazing, by the way) for some dessert. Well, right as we were parting ways, we realized that we forgot someone with my mom so we flagged her down and pulled up next to her and we were talking to my mom, we see Aiden's little window roll down.

He then proceeds to poke his little head out, starts to wave his little finger and he looks right at me and says,

"Momma, you be good for Daddy, alright?!"

Kids crack me up. Especially now that Aiden is getting to the age that he knows how to act older.

Celia has also officially hit the age of being a little girl that loves to change her outfit.

17,483,903 times a day.

The Beginning of a New Chapter

Remember in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (new one with Johnny Depp) when Charlie came home with the chocolate bar and then found out that he received the last Golden Ticket? Remember Grandpa Joe's reaction?

He jumped out of bed, hopping like a maniac, yelling,

 "YIPPEE!!!!!"

Well, that was my initial reaction yesterday when I finally saw my score on my Nursing School Exit Exam. This test also gives you a "likelihood to pass the NCLEX" conversion score and apparently I have a 99% percent chance of passing my boards on the first try. BRING IT ON, BABY!!!

It has been a long awaited time in my life. The last 18 months have been beyond hard and my little family certainly has been put through the refiners fire and have come out on the other side better because of it. My family has been incredible throughout this. My husband has been patient, supportive and simply amazing. My kids have been way more understanding than I ever thought when I put on scrubs to leave - 6 days a week at least. They have been strong and stalwart and I couldn't begin to imagine what life would have been like if I didn't have them to be my buffer from the stress and emotions building up within me.

To the last 18 months of my life, I will forever appreciate the person I have become in the end

But good riddance!

There are a lot of things to which I am looking forward.

I'm ready to have the time of day to do all the steps of laundry - wash, dry, fold AND put away all in one day. That hasn't happened in 18 months at least. Generally, I have been getting dressed out of the dryer for a year and a half. At least they were clean!

I'm ready to be a nurse and I'm ready to pay off bills.

I'm ready to not worry day to day about all the incredible amounts of what if's that could arise for which I would be utterly unprepared.

I'm ready to love my job and feel a sense of accomplishment when I put on my scrubs because I am a freaking NURSE!

I'm ready to be an actual mom again in action and not just title.

I'm ready to go to church activities and not feel guilty about neglecting my family even more than I already do.

I'm ready to go out to lunch with friends just to catch up without the worry of what else I should be doing with this time, money, etc, etc, etc.

I'm ready to work for a company that is a well-oiled machine.


I'm ready to take my kids to the park and enjoy the time there without thinking about the homework I should be doing.


I'm ready decorate my house.


I'm ready to have regular date nights with my husband because we can.

I'm ready to move on.

Relief Society Teacher

The time has officially come: I have to teach Relief Society tomorrow. So what am I doing instead of polishing off my lesson? I'm blogging about how I should be polishing off my lesson, while actually avoiding said act. I'm a genius.

I was excited at first because I love to teach, and become more excited to find out I was just a substitute and generally won't have to worry about it on top of the rest of my crazy life, but now I'm just nervous.

It dawned on me that since I live in the same house as when I was young, some of the ladies I will be teaching remember me when I was a little girl and looked exactly like Celia. That's kind of crazy and nerve wracking.

Well, train of thought was lost. I guess we'll see how it goes. As for now, I need to go to bed.

As for putting the final touches on it? Meh, it can wait until tomorrow. Especially since church does start until 2:30 PM!!

29 Days and Counting

As of today, I have 29 days until I take my exit exams from school and pass on the first time (if I keep saying that, maybe it'll come true, right?) then become eligible to take the NCLEX.

On the one hand, I celebrate every little achievement that brings me closer to that date - last capstone, last pediatric clinical (and subsequently, last clinical hour of my nursing school experience), last paper to write, last test to take in a particular class (which, technically, I haven't taken... yet. I will in a few days), so on and so forth. It's surreal that it's so close to the end.

And then horror sets in.

With all these little achievements means I am that much closer to the deadline of knowing absolutely everything I need to know in order to pass my exit exams and, ultimately, my boards.

It means I only have 29 days to pick the brains of the teachers I respect in order to have a better understanding. It means I only have 29 days to get my butt into gear and not allow myself to become too overwhelmed. It means I only have 29 days to figure out what I am going to do after school. Ya know, little things like getting a job.

BUT! That also means only 29 days until I am a registered. freaking. nurse. Well, kind of. I need to take boards to get that official title of RN, but I'll be a graduate nurse in 29 days.

As much as my current stress level is making me want to quit school and work at Micky D's for the rest of my life because that's the easy road, I am really excited to be done. I can't imagine my life without school taking up so much time. I can't imagine being able to have the opportunity to be the mom I want to be without being stressed out of my mind due to all the incredible amounts of homework I have looming in front of me. I can't imagine having the choice to go to church activities without feeling guilty because doing so would be neglecting my family even more. I can't imagine being able to tell people that I am a nurse - that I hold a position in society that is well respected and NOT a low-wage job that most people have straight out of high school.

So I guess all in all, I'm ready for the next 29 days to go by. Heaven knows my family is ready.



Just make it a kind of slow 29 days.

Another Milestone Bites the Dust

I finished my capstone a few nights ago and what a great feeling it is.

Even a greater feeling is reading the evaluations from my clinical liaison and my preceptor. They stated that they would be priviledged to work side by side with me someday and that is a great feeling coming from two people that I really look up to and aspire to be like when I am a nurse. With clinicals being a one on one thing between you and your nurse, I never see what my classmates are like with their nurses. I know what my dearest of friends are like and they are much like me - that's why we're dearest of friends. But apparently not many people are like me. Not confident in what they can do, or even allowed to do as a student. Not comfortable with the skills they learned on dummies and now trying to transfer that to a real patient that is nervous. I get it, it's nerve wracking, I was that person the first few clinicals I had and then I found my niche and pushed ahead because I'd much rather do that while I am a student and it is okay and expected to ask questions instead of when I'm a nurse and feel less qualified than the tech on the floor and I think people took notice of that.

Super. Awesome.

Last night was incredible. I was able to truly be a nurse - my preceptor let me take the reigns and push ahead. I did newborn admit assessments by myself, gave shots to said newborn, gave them baths, even assisted in delivering a baby, up front and personal seeing as how the doctor didn't make it to the big event. What an incredible feeling it was to watch a fantastic preceptor stay calm and collected while delivering a baby by herself and I was right there in the thick of things, intimately involved in the delivery process, just as if I were a nurse.

I had a giant epiphone during that experience - I was right at the patient's side and I saw a nurse just standing idly by, so I asked if she wanted to take over, and she looked me straight in the eye and said, "Why would I take over when you are doing everything you should?" And then my epiphone hit me - I AM GOING TO BE A FREAKING NURSE IN THREE MONTHS!! (God willing I pass the NCLEX and get a job.)

And that's the most awesome thing I have ever realized.

C'est la Vie

At the request of a dear friend from work, I must update my blog.

Life has been overwhelmingly ho-hum. I have started my capstone in the Women's Center at my local hospital (Hooray for not having to drive more than 5 minutes to get there!). Initially, it was just in Post-Partum... over night... with two part time nurses that get called off all the time. So! I worked my way over to Labor and Delivery, which is slightly more exciting. So far, I have completed 4 nights on Post Partum, and one on Labor and Delivery which makes a total of 5 out of my required 9. So. Stinking. Close. Only one more night on Post Partum and three more on Labor and Delivery and in a short (let's hope and pray) 11 days from now, I will be done with my capstone experience. And luckily, I will not have any more 24+ hour "days." Just a lot of switching my schedule back and forth in a matter of days between night Capstone and day classes.

meh.

I have gone back to being scheduled at work which, in short, is exhausting. I have been so disillusioned with working as a CNA at an Assisted Living Facility as I get closer and closer to becoming a nurse and getting certifications that will hopefully put my foot a little bit further in the door of Emergency Care - i.e. as far from Long-Term Care as possible.

That's not to say I don't have a deep and profound love for those of whom I take care. It's really incredible the love that develops when you serve others, even if it is in a setting where they are forced to accept per se due to handicaps and you are paid to provide.

School... well, I'm burned out, to say the least. Just trying to keep up with how I've been doing previous semesters so I don't blow all my hard work because I have an emotional break down. Or two.... or three.

ALSO! I've been called as a Relief Society Instructor. I have yet to teach, and hope I can buy time for two more Sundays. Only lesson I've learned is that Heavenly Father does have a sense of humor, but who am I to doubt if I can or cannot do it? Somebody out there thinks I can and if there is anything I've learned in the last 18 months is that I can do a whole heck of a lot more than I ever imagined and still be able to wake up and face the next day.

Also, this was birthday week. Thomas' birthday was on Tuesday and I had stinking Capstone that night so all we did was go out to lunch after Aiden went to a friend's birthday party. And Celia's birthday is tomorrow. Pictures will be posted. No promises that it'll be tomorrow.


Or even anytime in the near future.


P.S. You're welcome, Chantel. Hope it was worth it.

Dirty Dash

So I participated in a 10/5K (it was a 10 K, but had a 5 K short cut - I wussed out and took the 5K.) today. Volunteered last week. It was a blast! However, I will be blowing muddy boogers out of my nose for days, I'm sure.

Those shorts were baby blue this morning.

I was in...

Today everyone's Facebook status' seemed to start with "I was in..." and then the setting was placed. No more explanation was needed. Everyone knows that they are referring to where they were at the time they found out about the terrorist attacks on 9/11/2001.

I was outside at school, in my zero hour band class, practicing for our upcoming competitions. We, as a drumline, had come back inside to practice with the pit that had stayed inside, while the rest of the band were still outside on the football field. When we walked into the band room, we were surprised to see the TV on, much less the news. It was at this time we found out that the both towers had been hit by airplanes just minutes apart.

A few minutes after we started to sit and watch, another plane flew into the Pentagon and then reports of another crash, one in a field in Pennsylvania. We were confused, dismayed, and unable to process the severity of this situation - it was far beyond anything we had ever expereienced and known in our short life time. We had heard of attacks that had occured at another time and another place, attacks such as Pearl Harbor and the Oklahoma City bombing, but for the first time in our young lives, were we able to distinguish pure, unadulterated evil from "just" a tragic event.

I remember going to second period and watching the news while teachers in the back of the barrack were talking about how this happened in a book. I remember watching President Bush on the TV and feeling a swell of pride and justice when, without a single bit of hesitancy, he waged a war on terror. Immediately, I wondered what this would mean for my friends, my young, male friends, specifically.

Then I remember walking from class to class, much like a zombie, oblivious to my surrounding, yet at the pace of a cheetah because I dare not walk slowly between classrooms - nay, between TV's - just in case I missed something else.

But as the day progressed, I drew out of my zombie-like state and started to notice people in the corners of the hallways crying. People who had heard that a loved one was on that flight, or had a dad that worked in the World Trade Center or the Pentagon. My heart went out to them and immediately I thanked my Heavenly Father that I knew where my family was and subsequently prayed for those who didn't.

Then a miracle happened, the American people were awakened, ready to step up because that is what is bred in us as Americans. Flags started to show up everywhere, humanitarian efforts were taking place left and right. Sure, some tempers flew, but overwhelmingly we drew together, offered support in way of means, time and talent.

I remember the speculation of every "What if.." I remember being worried about them coming to New Mexico and attacking White Sands Missle Range. I remember, in the following months, being worried about the Winter Olympics in Utah; thinking that they could attack the chemical depot where nuclear waste is stored, just a few dozen miles from my sister at a time when much of the world's attention was focused on one place.

I remember everytime I played or heard the National Anthem of the United States of America, I was brought to tears and had goosebumps on every inch of my body. I remember being so proud to belong to a country wherein we were able to enjoy the freedoms and liberty secured for us by our Founding Fathers.
I remember in the years following, friends, expected and not, that enlisted in the military because they never forgot how they felt that day. I admire them and their families. They are absolutely heroes. Brave and courageous and willing to do what most won't because they knew they could serve their country and try to secure justice for those that had no chance that fateful day.

I will never forget that day and the days, weeks, months that followed. I pray that those who lost loved ones in will some way, some how, find the peace that they are seeking and that those whose lives were shortened by the hate of others will be honored and remembered and that the feeling of unity and patriotism may once again find its place in this country once again. I pray that no other innocent people will fall victim to such evil and that I may do my part to prevent it from happening - no matter how small my efforts may be.

Montana. One of My Most Favorite Places. Ever.

This past weekend, I had one last getaway before school starts in Montana. It was absolutely fantastic. Good weather, good fun, good times with family - especially with family I hadn't seen in, literally, decades, and of course, whenever Thomas is around and has a new audience, the mandatory good food.

However, (every time I type/say/think "however," I hear my Dad's voice in my head saying, "However, comma." I have never known him to just say however in a conversation and finish his thought, he always actually says, and I quote, "However, comma, . . .")

Where was I? Oh, yes. However, there were hornets. And mean ones, to boot. Apparently in Superior, Montana this year, they have been bad and aggressive. Not just at the round house because no one was there to shoo them away, but just all around bad in the area. Within an hour of getting there, I was stung on the foot and Thomas scouted out a gigantic nest in the eaves of the house and killed it with two cans of wasp and hornet killer.

The next day, Thomas and Aiden were outside playing football and some hornets started swarming Thomas, so he ran in with Aiden and a few minutes later, Aiden started screaming and pulling at his leg because he was getting stung multiple times by a stinkin' hornet.

So we went on a Nest Hunt again. We knocked some down, Thomas was swarmed by some hornets again and ran off, lost his footing and did a cool, looked-like-it-was-on-purpose ninja roll and ended up bruising his ribs because he landed on a rock. Fantastic.

Then on Sunday, my nieces and nephews were playing Cops and Robbers, and my niece was stung, and then we went down to the river and my poor little girl was stung behind the ear.

Other than that, it was a great trip. Probably the best trip to Montana yet.

School, schmool

Alright, I take that back. I have officially hit that part of my between-semester break where I am ready to get back. I've had enough of a break and just ready to get back to my semester-long rut. I am fully aware that this will only last a couple weeks at most and I'll be wishing for a break.

I imagine this next (and last!) semester will be even worse. On top of school and whatnot, I will be doing my capstone, preceptorship, whatever you call it. I'm pretty stoked for it, but *INCREDIBLY* nervous about it being PM shifts and daytime classes. I don't do so well without sleep. I get migraines. And bad. I don't know how well I'll do at switching my schedule around so often. So here's to hoping that won't happen! :)

:/

At least I get to have one last hoorah before school starts. I am off to Montana for the next four days and then immediately back to the grind. I drive back Monday in holiday traffic to pass off my ACLS Tuesday, Capstone Hospital orientation on Wednesday and class on Thursday.

Humph.

It Happens Every Time..

I've worked at my place of employment for almost 15 months now and in that time, we have had our fair share of residents pass away and a fair share of those have happened on my shift. Some of them were near and dear to my heart from the first day I met them to the last day I cared for them and between putting on a brave face around the family while providing post-mortem care, I have had to sneak into a remote room, sit in the far corner and have a good cry for just a few seconds.

Others I have cared for, and for a while they may or may not have drove me up a wall (I can neither confirm nor deny that statement) but as their time came closer, I have tried to get over myself and take care of them as best as I am capable and something incredible happens:

You truly do develop a profound love for those in whom you serve.

And when it was their time to meet the Good Lord, I put on a brave face, offer assitance in any way I can, but all between sneaking into a remote room to have a good cry for a few seconds.

I am always impressed with the impact that they have on so many lives and I look forward to the day when I can meet them and truly know them for who they were in their prime and not as I cared for them. I will be eternally grateful for the opportunity I had to help them in their last days, but moreso will I be grateful to truly know them and to tell them thank you for everything they, and their families, have taught me over the last 15 months.

School's Out ... Kind Of.

So I'm officially done with Semester 4 of 5 of nursing school and I can give myself a little pat on the back for a job well done.

I wish I could say that I don't have a single book to crack or test to prepare for in the next two weeks, but alas, I am a glutton for punishment. I am currently training to receive my Advanced Cardiac Life Support certification. Ya know the guys that rush into a room when the Code Blue button has been pushed to swoop in and save the day? Yep, that's going to be me. I'm pretty stoked about it.

I was able to observe/mildly participate in some Mega Code simulations this morning with a group that is past all the book learning and actually passing off to become officially certified this morning. I learned quite a bit, but mostly, since I was the peon, I just came out with incredibly tired muscles from doing CPR on a dummy for a LONG time.

It's extremely exhilarating to have found my niche in emergency care. For a long time, I wanted to be Labor and Delivery and eventually a Midwife, and while I still want to do that, I think I want to save that for later on when I want to "retire." I have found that I like the prospect/challenge of anything coming through the door at any given minute and I have to rely on my know-how to treat this person.

Anyhow, time to put megacodes on hold and off to the fun and exciting life at work. :/  At least I'm not by myself.

Today I Decided Life Will Forever and Always Be Insane

So to fill you in on the last 18 months of my life:

We moved from Florida in February, 2010.

May 24, 2010 I started nursing school.

Two days later, I started working as a CNA.

Five days later, my husband and I were rear-ended by a young, teenaged girl who was doing something on her phone. Myself and the kids were fine, but due to the position in which my husband was, he sustained nerve damage in his lower back.

And since then, life has been insane. Thomas stays at home and watches the kids while I work and go to school and try to squeeze in enough time with the family so that I don't fall asleep with exhaustion and guilt plaguing me on a daily basis.

School is fantastic. I am doing extremely well, many thanks to my Heavenly Father. On a continual basis, generally when I get emotionally drained, I have to remind myself that I have done what I thought was impossible and can hold on for another [           ] months. (Only four more months... only four more months..)

I am eternally grateful for my husband who has supported me and given me the strength and encouragement that I have needed when I am on the verge of losing it, and if I do get to the point of "lost it", he knows how to pick me back up.

Then comes some perspective. I think my life is hard, and it's easy to get down on myself and try to make people pity my situation and it seems that when I am on the search for someone to take pity upon me, I find something else entirely. I find a dear friend who is going through the same school process 300 miles from her husband. I find an old high school acquaintance who has a young child with health problems. I find single parents that are trying to do the best for their children while pursuing an education. I find someone who is trying to better their life and, due to a momentary lapse of judgement, needs to put their life on hold for the time being. I find a loving and doting husband of decades, visiting his sick wife on a daily basis, knowing that days are limited.

And they are holding up far better than I think I could. They are holding up admirally.

So life may always be insane in one way or another but I have found within the past few months, I am capable of so much more than I ever thought possible and if/when I begin to lax in that thinking, I have the most incredible people around me to lift me up and support me.


P.S. Today I also decided that I will blog more often. We'll see how that goes.